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After the Divorce, Move on

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This morning on The Today Show, I heard a well-known personality in the entertainment industry being interviewed about issues between herself and her ex-husband.  I have not followed her story, but what I heard this morning indicated that the couple, now divorced three or four years, quarrels in the court system over child support and custody arrangements.  Frankly, I think none of this is the public’s business and I wonder why such things are always in the news. According to the well-known person, whom I will henceforth refer to as Ms. X, she personally would like to keep these things private but it is the ex-husband who seeks publicity.  She stated several times that this is the first time she has talked about this in a television interview.

This brings me to the point of this article: whether or not Ms. X has talked about this matter on the air waves in the past, the truth is that she should not have done so today—and not simply because the matter is something that should be private. The main reason she should never allow herself to be interviewed on this matter is the effect her divorce and court battles have had upon her. Ms. X was so stressed that a two-year-old baby would have known something was amiss.

I could hardly bear to listen to her as her voice demonstrated more and more stress. Eventually, she cried. (Right here, right now, please join me in a prayer for this woman. Pray with me for her to find peace.)

Although she tried to avoid answering, Matt Lauer tried his best to get Ms. X to admit that the problems between her and her ex have had an effect on their children.  Really?  Isn’t it self-evident that no woman can be stretched as taut as a wire about to break and this not have an effect on her children?

I remember enough about the initial break-up of Ms. X and her husband to know that it was a situation where we would call her the injured party.  Apparently, she has never fully adjusted to being wronged. She is still wholly involved with the strife between her and her ex. She is not yet able to be dispassionate about the problems that exist. She is still disturbed at a gut level.

Divorce is a terrible thing when it happens to a couple and a terrible thing to happen to the children of the marriage. Being unable to move on emotionally compounds the problem.

For the sake of herself and her children, I hope Ms. X will be able to stop caring about any mischief she perceives her ex is perpetrating and move on to a state of detachment. Such situations are best dealt with only when they rear their ugly heads. It’s like dirty dishes; they don’t get clean unless you wash them. This old fight will never get any easier unless she washes her hands and her heart of the situation. If a battle’s in the court, Ms. X would do well to let the court handle it. She should not accept that she must be personally involved and personally hurt by every incident that occurs related to custody or money. She must learn to make dispassionate decisions about the actions she must take and then move away from the problem. Most of the time, when we stop caring and stop letting them matter, our most stressful problems diminish or even disappear.

Elizabeth Ruth

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