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Wanted: Food Policeman

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Wanted:  Food Policeman

Would you like to help me diet,

Just help me to eat right?

Please apply; I need your help

Because I am a sight.

It seems no matter what I do,

Expansion is my fate;

What in the world can I do

About my burgeoning weight?

Of course I should be giving up

The foods I like the best,

But each time I try that method

I never pass the test.

So I would like to hire you

To be the food police;

You should bring your handcuffs

So you can keep the peace.

Keeping me from eating

Will be truly thankless work;

If you achieve success at all

I’ll think you are a jerk;

And of course, if you should fail

And I don’t lose weight at all;

I guess I’ll have to fire you

For not being on the ball.

Name Withheld

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