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Enabling: a destructive form of helping

We rescue anytime we take responsibility for another person’s thoughs, feelings, decisions, behaviors, growth, well-being, problems, or destiny. The following constitute a rescuing or caretaking move:

-Doing something we really don’t want to do.
-Saying yes when we mean no.
-Doing something for someone although that person is capable of and should be doing it for him or herself.
-Meeting people’s needs without being asked and before we’ve agreed to do so.
-Doing more than a fair share of work after our help is requested.
-Consistently giving more than we receive in a particular situation.
-Fixing people’s feelings.
-Doing people’s thinking for them.
-Speaking for another person.
-Suffering people’s consequences for them.
-Solving people’s problems for them.
-Putting more interest and activity into a joint effort than the other person does.
-Not asking for what we want, need, and desire.

Melody Beattie
Codependent NO MORE

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