The subject of fear is an interesting thing when we consider both life and God. You see, I don’t believe I’m afraid of dying and yet I know that as long as I am alive, I will resist death; and perhaps even in my final moments I will not be able to reconcile myself to the inevitability of dying in any time that I call NOW. Instead, I suspect I will believe that it is imminent and yet still in the future—always in the future. I think that is the optimistic frame of mind that God gives to all humans and that death, coming as it does after years of declining health, still “sneaks up” on us most of the time.
That brings me to Fear. You see I am afraid of a lot of things—some of them involving a fear of a method of death but the main one just a fear of fear itself. For instance, I enjoy the process of flying and viewing all the earth below me, but even though I deeply doubt that the exact plane I’m on will plummet to earth, I am afraid all the time I’m flying, because I am afraid of the fear I would feel on the way down if that terrible thing were to happen.
While actually the abrupt jolting of my soul from my human body would be easier than the pain of a long, lingering illness, I just don’t want to face that particular fear—that knowing that the time for death is NOW.
I’m also afraid of roller coasters. I think if I took a ride on one it is likely that I would come back to the starting place all in one piece as thousands of people do every year, but I would be so afraid. So I don’t ride roller coasters.
The same goes for driving too fast. Who wants to risk life and limb to get there faster? I don’t want to see another car unexpectedly appear in front of me and know I am going to suffer the impact. That scares me.
What does not scare me is going home to be with God. I just want to go there by his gentle invitation; I don’t want to go crashing in heaven’s gate unexpectedly.
I don’t think God minds that I’m afraid of things that hold more elements of danger than day-to-day life usually engenders. I think he wants me to hold my life dear and submit my soul to him only when he gives me that quiet call.
I’m not ashamed of being afraid of taking chances with my life; I would be ashamed if I wasn’t. I would be ashamed to not hold the wonderful life God gave me in the esteem this great gift deserves.
Read more articles, stories and poems by B. Killebrew at: www.trovemagazine.com